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Thoughts in the studio… » Uncategorized

Uncategorized



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Goodbye beer, goodbye cheesesteaks, goodbye bagels, goodbye pizza. Man I love you guys, but I’m getting a little too chubby for comfort and at the ripe old age of 28 years of age losing the weight just ain’t gonna get easier. Don’t worry I’ll come visit you guys every couple of weeks.

Pet peeves about being on a health kick:

1. Parents and relatives who make comments about you gaining weight, yet always want to take you out to Italian restaurants. I know you mean well and thanks for the free veal piccatta n’ mash potatoes Ma! Now I’m gonna be doing windsprints n’ chewing celery for the next 3 days. Next time let’s go to a place with a good salad menu.

2. Tri-athetlete/personal trainer/kickboxing/acrobatic/breakdancer friends who bust on you for not drinking at parties. Thanks guys! Because my drinking soda water is really harshing your mellow and fucking with your ability to have a good time. When I get MY body fat down to 8% and tweak my metabolism to run like the Warner Brother’s roadrunner on crystal meth I’ll happily suck down Micro-brews n’ hoover buffalo wings with you. Until then shut the fuck up or if you pass out I swear to god I’m gonna tape your asscheeks together breakfast club style.

3. The MOTHERFUCKING Harris Benedict Formula:

To determine your total daily calorie needs, multiply your BMR by the appropriate activity factor, as follows:

1. If you are sedentary (little or no exercise) : Calorie-Calculation = BMR x 1.2
2. If you are lightly active (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/week) : Calorie-Calculation = BMR x 1.375
3. If you are moderatetely active (moderate exercise/sports 3-5 days/week) : Calorie-Calculation = BMR x 1.55
4. If you are very active (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days a week) : Calorie-Calculation = BMR x 1.725
5. If you are extra active (very hard exercise/sports & physical job or 2x training) : Calorie-Calculation = BMR x 1.9

What the fuck is the difference between “moderate” and “hard” exercise? What if you do hard exercise 5 times a week? Why can’t I find an explanation for this anywhere on the internet? Who are Harris and Benedict anyways? Are they adleast skinny so I can trust they know what the fuck they are talking about? Is this the same Benedict who invented the eggs?

4. Tofu. Is it good for you? Or is it bad for you? Half the shit I read on the net says it’s the 2nd coming of Christ. The other half says it’s gonna raise my estrogen levels n’ make me grow man boobs. I mean…I love boobs n’ all…just not on me…But since I’m dieting I can’t really eat red meat and eating a dozen hardboiled eggwhites a day gets a little old after awhile.


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How's my blogging?


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An interesting conundrum.

Kellz is speaking about the self-perpetuating reaction of talking to models. From one bottle and one bottle, the addition of more bottles means more models. Note that the quantity of models gained is unspecified, but implies a positive feedback loop: by the fourth bottle, we may have dozens of models.

However, if you start with no bottles and no models, the popping of a first bottle might not bring the first model! That first model’s presence is a prerequisite for catalyzing the appearance of more models. Models are thus autocatalytic, but as noted above several bottles can accumulate in the complete absence of models.

Assuming we do have at least one model and one bottle, the apparent exponential growth would cause astronomical numbers of models if no force acted to restrain this growth. To wit:

One bottle = one model
n + 1 bottles = F(n) + 1 models.
Going with the assumption above that models increase as the square of bottles:
F(n) models = n^2 bottles^2 * Kelly
Where Kelly is a constant pimp game correction factor, with units of models per squared bottles. Let R Kelly’s pimp game = 1, so we can ignore this correction factor for now.
n = 0, we have one bottle and one model.
n = 1, we have two bottles and two models.
n = 2, we have three bottles and four models.
n = 3, we have four bottles and nine models.
n = 4, we have five bottles and 16 models.

Assuming an average bottle service price of $400 per bottle, we’ve spent $1,600 to get 16 models. What if we mortgage our house to buy bottles? The median home sale price in the USA in 2004 was $185k, which gives us enough scratch for 462 bottles.
n = 462, we have 463 bottles and 213,444 models.

The population of orlando, florida is 199,336 people.

Thus I have scientifically proven that if you sell your house to pop bottles, the entire city of orlando, florida will have sex with you.

The current forecast for orlando is overcast with a 90% chance of SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET (weatherman bout to make it rain)


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Mingus Plays Piano

I picked this record up years ago at Kim’s video. It’s pretty much just 11 cuts of Mingus screwing around on the piano. It’s fucking genius. I listen to this record sometimes and actually question weither I even have any business fucking with this music thing. It’s that good.

I mean, the guy is a fucking bass player for fucks sake. Most people I play the album for are like, “Wait, But doesn’t Mingus plays bass??!? HOLY SHIT!!!”

This is one of those jazz records you HAVE TO OWN. Yeah sure, keep a copy of “Kind of Blue” around so you can look bourgie and impress suburban chicks and shit but if you wanna a serious EXPERIENCE, turn out all the lights in your apartment and listen to this record.

It actually feels like bol is sitting in the room with you playing the piano.

Charles Mingus, “Myself when I am real”

The album on Amazon


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Marilyn Manson’s autobiography. I just read this yesterday and highly recommend it. It’s the first time in awhile I literally sat down and read a book cover to cover in almost one sitting.

He’s definitely one of those artists that I categorize as, “Well, I’m not really a huge fan of your music but now that I understand your concepts and remarkable insight. Props. You do you.”

So yeah, read it The long road out of hell by Marilyn Manson


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I’m done with the drum n’ bass thing. It’s not that I don’t love it, I’m just not in love with it anymore. Too many idiot fanboys and myopic scenesters, WAYYY not enough innovation and experimentation. Try not to let the door hit you on the way out, kthanksbye.

From now on this just gonna be me ranting about music and life in general. Enjoy.


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It’s unfortunate that I had to chalk up most of my college musical training to a loss leader. Those who can’t…teach, and those who can’t and are really f$%kin’ bitter about it….become music instructors at NYU.

The glowing exception to this statement was Dr. Walter W. Reinhold(R.I.P.), who I had the privilege and honor to study under for 4 semester(ok, 5 I’m a shite student).

One of his best lectures was on the “Golden Ratio”. I can’t even begin to describe it, so just peep this wikipedia article:

The Golden ratio

Also, If 222 stunningly well written articles on the history of western art/music/culture sounds like your thing (and you’ve got $70 to burn) I HIGHLY recommend buying Reinhold’s Culture 4.0 CD. Culture 4.0


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I’ve always been fond of mathmatics & take a very mathmatical view.

People think I’m nuts when I say that mathmatics is romantic, but I really do find it that way.

I’m very attracted to elegance of form and finding similarities in unsuspecting places, like how if you study the way that rush hour traffic forms on the highway, you find that it sort of resembles how sugar crystals form when your making rock candy.

So bear with me if a couple of my upcoming posts go a little pedantic and navel gazing, I promise all this stuff will tie together.


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ill esha: you mean externalize?
thejonsdj: no internalize…like Bruce Lee said, “when I first learned to fight a punch was just a punch and a kick was just a kick” “then after years of training a punch was NEVER just a punch(it was a high punch or a low punch or a sideways punch) and a kick was never a kick”
ill esha: ahh I see
thejonsdj: “now that I’ve found my way, a punch is just a punch and kick is just a fuckin’ kick”
ill esha: anyways, you can go watch TV while I do sound design a bit, how’s that
thejonsdj: We should go on a sample binge…hook the tv up to the computer
ill esha: That would be fun!
thejonsdj: or purposely try n’ crash my computer n’ record it
ill esha: Uh, no. Crashing sucks
ill esha: gay ass Cubase VST
thejonsdj: nah crashing is an artform….there are so many machines that control our lives, the atm, the soda machine, your average DAW…there’s something deliciously satisfying about recording their death squeels n’ making music out of it
thejonsdj: it’s very Lee Perry, “bury your master tapes in your back yard to give them funk” -esque

ill esha: You know, you really should keep a journal
ill esha: I bet it would be a good read

homework assignment #3
One of my earliest experiences with proper electronic music was watching Trent Reznor(of Nine Inch Nails fame) vivisect a yamaha keyboard on the stage of the Roseland ballroom in 1994.

Your homework? Take a (cheap) piece of gear and kill it. MURDER IT.

As Tyler Durden would have said, “I wanted to destroy something beatiful”

take that edirol drum machine that’s been languishing in your closet and light it on fire(keep a fire extinguisher handy of course but….)

KEEP IT PLUGGED IN and SAMPLE THAT MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Write a song out of it’s spastic R2d2 death squeels.

It’s almost 2006 and we still don’t have our fucking hovercars…

we’ve exhausted the
fossil fuels…..

the ozone has depleted to the point that I’m wearing a pullover fleece on x-mas day in NYC!?!?%?$?~!

We got into dn’b because it was the aural equivilent ofpoetic terrorism

start walking the walk


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right-click “view image” to see the full sized illustrations…

“I have to bang the crap out of my keyboard to get a sound out of my patch…How do I turn the velocity off?”

“Where are those vocal filters you were talking about in your tutorial[on DOA]?”

“how do i assign a knob or slider on my keyboard to a knob in kontakt?”
midi
advanced midi2

“why is the midi assign acting so crap? I have to jerk the knob to get any sort of effect!!!”
midi2
“How do I sync and LFO to the tempo of my song?”
sync

how to assign a midi controller to something that isn’t a “knob”, ie the intensity of an LFO?
advanced midi1


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So I checked my server stats & like 30 people a day are actually reading this thing.

Cool…

I’ll definitely get some more articles up ASAP.

In the meantime, here’s some links to about a gig’s worth of samples:

samples

more samples

more samples

and yet more samples

Oh, and if you haven’t downloaded my new dj mix, check it out. It’s the bees knees.

click for my mix


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homework assignment #2

Download a couple of breakbeats.
Open them up with Soundforge.
Mess around with copy and pasting hits for a day or 2.
Then try out all the different effects in soundforge.
Start out with “processes” then move over to “effects”
Now download a couple of bass samples.

repeat


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Nate Harrison has done a documentary on the amen break that it is pretty much required viewing for any aspiring d&b producer:

Can I get and amen?

Homework assignment #1:

Write a track using nothing but amen & an 808 kick drum sample

amen

808 kick drum

No cheating!!! The only source sounds you can use are those 2 samples, but you can use whatever effects you want to…


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When it comes to music production now a days, the amount of options is unbelievable. There’s so many softsynths & pluggins n’ crap that all these options actually start to get in the way of things. Every producer or musician has that one friend who has tons n’ tons of “stuff”. They’re studio is filled wall to wall with gear but they’re still looking for that one magic box that will make their sound better.

There is no magic box.

The trick is to pick just a few boxes or a few pluggins and learn them inside out.

Pick 1 synth, 1 sampler, 1 multi-fx, 1 eq, 1 compressor & learn how to do backflips with them.

Don’t worry too much about having the “right” tools when your starting out. The first 20 tracks you write are gonna suck pretty bad weither you write them on a cracked copy of fruity loops or $50,000 pro-tools HD system.

Constraints are good, they challenge you to be creative.


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I have nothing to say on the subject. Why? A producer named Hipnotic has already written a 6 part tutorial that explains all the principles of EQ about 100% more eloquently then I ever could

Hipnotic’s EQ tutorial

Read it and weep. Oh, n’ check out the rest of the site. There’s some really good articles on there.


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So I got the idea for starting this blog from reading the book, “Zen & the art of Jeet Kune Do” by Bruce Lee. This blog isn’t meant to be a straight forward, “Music production for dummies” although I will be posting some tutorials. The idea is to document some of my thoughts on music and making music. Not just to try to educate, but crystalize some theories of mine by writing them down.

This is my “philosophy of music” if you will…

So don’t take everything I write here as gospel. What works for me may not work for you.